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I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
You say you don`t need to drink to have fun. All I`m hearing is designated driver.
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.