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When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
My wife looks for signs Iām cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"