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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving I’m going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.