😄 Daily Silly Status
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To all the waiters out there: we don`t get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.