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Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)