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A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
I just threw up my weekend.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."