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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?