😄 Daily Silly Status
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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.