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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!