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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.