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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
I once ran a Half Marathon. Well, I say that because it sounds better than saying I collapsed and almost died halfway through a Full Marathon.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.