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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.