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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, β€œWhat are you doing here? You’re done.”
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.