Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you figure me out I want an explanation.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??