😄 Daily Silly Status
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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Caught myself yelling "F*CK YOU" to my burrito for dripping on my pants, if you were wondering who`s raising the next generation.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.