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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
I was halfway through a recipe when I read the instruction "Now chill in fridge for at least two hours". I only managed 30 minutes. I was freezing.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.