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If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?