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It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.