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Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Save time. See it my way.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.