Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.