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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion