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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....