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You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
10 years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."