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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw