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When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
My number was 0...
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.