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Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?