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Iām cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass.
Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
The reason I talk to myself is because Iām the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.