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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
I get my cardio from caffeine...
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Real friends show me their boobs
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........