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Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: `last warning, you have a week to get the money together.`
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.