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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
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Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
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1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
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I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
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My therapist just offered me my money back.
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Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
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Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
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Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
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Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
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The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
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I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
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Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
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It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.
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