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I put the o in illiterate!
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
morning i hate girls evening i need girls