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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
It’s not pretty being easy.