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There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.