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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*