Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: