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Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
The secret to success is in my bra.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you