Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...