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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
Being an American is awesome. The end.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?