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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
Soup of the day: Tequila.
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.