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Insert coin to view my status message.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media