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I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
Can I get likes for no reason?
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.