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says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.