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My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
Do you really have to breath that much?