Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
is battling with eyelids
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
Im not fat I´m just easier to see
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional