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Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.