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A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds ... How is that person still alive?
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.