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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I miss the life I planned in my head.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship