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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
take me drunk i`m home
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...