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Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.