Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.