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I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.