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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”