Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.