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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.