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Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Personally, I think failure should be an option
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”