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Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.