Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
Sorry I was staring at your nachos while you were talking about your painful divorce
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
I need a partner in wine.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!