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Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.