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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.