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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
I`m having an out of money experience.