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People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Some people live life in the fast lane. You’re in oncoming traffic.
You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."