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This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
I`m ABSOLUTELY positive I`d accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.