Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.