Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A wise man once said nothing.
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
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Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.