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I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
If you don`t have anything nice to say, say it anyway, `cause it might be really really funny.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.