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My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.