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I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
Don’t jump to confusions.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.