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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.