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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Bacon...need I say more
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.