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There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels