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*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Sorry I said "You`ll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.