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I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
Make Tomorrow More Fun: Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
Facebook Poking Hours: Mon-Friday 7am-10pm Sat 12-11pm Sun Closed
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
There is a special place in Hell for people who stop at yellow lights.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)