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Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Don’t jump to confusions.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360