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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.