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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.