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Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
I think, therefore i`m single.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.