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great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.