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FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.